I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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