I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
