I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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