Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And then my night got REAL pukey
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
