just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
