I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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