My cat gives me a boner
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
