I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
