last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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