we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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