You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
