this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
