Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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