i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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