you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
where are my eyebrows?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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