I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
