In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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