Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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