he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
