No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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