Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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