why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
