Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
MIDGETS
????
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
