This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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