dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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