after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
