Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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