It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
