A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize