A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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