I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm always down for nudity.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
