Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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