Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
