I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
