ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
