and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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