I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
