I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
