a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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