I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize