The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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