How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
