at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
