when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
