Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
