Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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