mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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