everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
