She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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