The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
