if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
