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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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