her vagine was all disorganized.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
