it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
