Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
