I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
