Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
