i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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