It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
