if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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