So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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