homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
