woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
