I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
