I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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