Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
