Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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