I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
