I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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