Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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