So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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