A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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