I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
