I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
