I hate your face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
