so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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