The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize