I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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