I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
