just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
