I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
