she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize