If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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