wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
